


Das ist kein Kuss.

by orphan_account



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: 5+1 Things, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-20 14:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2431847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Erik and Charles nearly kiss and one time they actually did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first time.

**Author's Note:**

> Title translates to "this is not a kiss" in german.

Charles and Erik had spent the time getting to know each other personally through their training time at the mansion. Within a week, they were completely responsible for a group of unruly teenagers, trying to help them hone their mutations and work together as a group. It was stressful and difficult, and by the end of the first week Charles was positively exhausted.

He was up in the study, trying to have a moment to himself, sipping lukewarm tea as he tried to read a book to destress when he heard someone at the door. Setting his cup down on the saucer, the telepath's fingers went to his temple at he took a breath and closed his eyes. [i]Erik,[/i] he seemed to relax upon noting whom it was who was disturbing him at this hour. 

The door creaked open and a head of blonde hair poked in, eyebrows raised. "Are you busy?"

With a quick shake of his head, Charles set his book down and gestured to the chair that was across from him next to the fireplace. "Would you fancy a game of chess?" He started pulling the board down as he spoke, figuring the response he would get would be a positive one. After all, Erik was a rather well match for him in the game. 

"Might as well," Erik came into the study, taking the seat he had a vague feeling he would find himself in many times in the near future as the other set the board pieces up appropriately. Out of habit, Erik played black which allowed Charles the white, which the other was arraigning. "It's been a long week. Do you really think these kids are ready?"

"Whether I believe they are or not, as of right now, does not matter. We have little choice in the matter, and we still have nearly three weeks to go," Charles sighed, taking his seat and rubbing his hand along he jaw and neck as he leaned forward to get a good look at the board. 

Leaning forward as well, Erik took the opportunity to make the first move, shifting his pawn forward. And for a short while, they were both quiet, playing the game in front of them without much small talk. Both of them were leaned forward, both of which looked tired, but yet they played on.

When a good deal of time and most of the game had passed, Erik finally spoke up. "Did you ever think that you would be just another pawn in the government's game? Playing for the humans?"

"I'm not [i]playing for the humans[/i], I'm doing the right thing. We don't have much a choice, Erik, there is the starting of a war," Charles tsk'd as he made a move against Erik's piece. "Check."

Brow furrowed, Erik took a moment to think over what Charles had said. He didn't do anything for nearly a minute before moving his piece out of position of check, making the safer choice before he planned his next move. Charles was a formidable opponent, to say the least. He leaned forward a little more, trying to anticipate the next move as he spoke once more. "What if war is inevitable?"

"I don't believe it is," Charles sighed, tilting his head, leaning forward again as he looked at the blonde in front of him, lost in his own thoughts as they strayed away from the game. His next move was rather meaningless, as if expecting Erik to do something he would regret on his next turn. "I believe that, ultimately, we have to make a choice, and that choice needs to be the one to save lives. It isn't just about Shaw and mutants, it's so much more than that."

Making a sound that was basically a disagreement on it's own, Erik simply shrugged. His eyes looked over Charles's face, trying to read him. There were times he almost wished that he was a telepath as well, as it would make things so much easier. If he could anticipate what was next. And for a moment too long, his eyes focused and then lost focus on the other's lips. Erik licked his own, leaning forward just slightly more. Despite the obvious disagreement on which side of history they should be on, it was interesting to watch someone so committed to just keeping the peace. He moved a piece without even watching what he was doing.

Charles noticed the pause, glancing up from the board to look at Erik. When he noticed the other staring at him, specifically not his eyes, a faint blush tainted his cheeks, colouring them rosy in the fire light. Running his tongue over his own lips without a thought, Charles let his eyes wander to the other's lips before he snapped out of it. This was not appropriate, so he had to literally make himself sit back in his armchair. 

"You've made a," Charles's voice nearly cracked and he had to swallow once more before continuing, "grave mistake, Erik. Check mate."

He moved his piece into position and the game was over. 

Neither of them mentioned what had just happened, and neither pursued it further.


	2. The second time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon divergence, they don't get interrupted right away after Erik turns the satellite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of the chapter is directly from the movie, then it diverts. Obviously, not mine.

"You see that?" Charles pointed to a giant satellite dish a few miles away from them. "Try turning it to face us," he requested, watching Erik closely. 

Raising his hands up, Erik took a breath and concentrated hard, using all of his willpower to turn the dish. His hands shook, focus and power all but succeeding, when finally he made an aggravated sound. With that, his hands dropped and he looked to Charles, head shaking as if he was about to say that he couldn't.

"You know, I believe that true focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity. Would you mind if I...?" Charles lifted his hands and wiggled his fingers, not wanting to explicitly say what he wanted to try, but rather hinting strongly at it. It wasn't until Erik gave his consent that the memories began.

A scene flashed in both of their minds of a time where Erik was young and his mother was still alive and with him, a set of candles lit in front of them. The memory, long forgotten, quickly brought the blonde to an emotional state. "What did you just do to me?"

"I accessed the brightest corner of your memory system. It's a very beautiful memory, Erik. Thank you."

Erik looked at him, baffled and damp eyed. "I didn't know I still had that..."

"There's so much more to you than you know," Charles began, determined by gentle. "Not just pain and anger. There's good to you, I felt it. And when you can access all that, you'll posses a power no one can match. Not even me. So, come on. Try again?"

Erik was hesitant, but soon he used his power once more to move the giant satellite. The back of his memory, filled with the serenity and the rage that Charles had spoken about brought tears to his eyes, hand raised as it curled toward him, this time succeeding in turning the large satellite toward them. He began to laugh, overwhelmed by the sensation and the moment.

Charles began to laugh with him, bringing a hand to the other's back, rubbing it in support. "Well done. That was brilliant," he assured the blonde, smile on his lips. The whole moment was purely incredible and the two of them shared in the moment with a hug, laughing softly together. 

Erik broke away first, hands going to the side of the other's face, and soon he felt Charles's own hands on his cheeks as well. They smiled and stared at each other for a moment. "Rage and serenity.. thank you.."

"No," Charles assured, "thank you.." They stayed like that for a moment, hands holding one another's faces, smiles bright and filled with emotion, closer than they had been before. After another few seconds, the toothy grins faded to much simpler smiles and a sense of calm filled them. Mere inches apart, Erik took a breath through his nose, nearly about to close the gap between them when the window flew open and the sound of the tv playing hit the air. 

Breaking apart quickly, Charles and Erik both looked up as Moria leaned out the window to announce that the president's address was about to play on the television.


	3. The third time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension between them is undeniable. But is the tension good, or bad? How long can this go on?

There was a very clear disagreement between Charles and Erik about how to proceed with the Shaw problem. On the one hand, Erik wanted Shaw dead, and he was in the right for wanting that after all that the man had done and taken from him. On the other, Charles knew that killing Shaw wasn't just going to magically solve the problem. There was still a war that needed to be stopped. If they could stop it, even if Shaw exposed them as mutants, Charles strongly believed that they would have nothing to worry about. They would be the better men.

Charles was packing his bags for their trip to Russia, wondering about what they would encounter if they tried to find Shaw there. If they would be there in time, if things had any chance of running smoothly. He sighed softly, a headache forming at the back of his skull already. It would be cold there, so he grabbed a jumper and a hat that would go underneath his jacket. 

He hadn't even heard the someone enter his room until he heard the sound of someone clearing his throat. Turning, Charles frowned slightly. Their argument had been heated earlier, so seeing Erik wasn't top on his list. With a sigh, he finished folding the jumper in his hand and tucked it into his bad. "What do you want, Erik?"

"I just finished packing," he spoke, sounding almost sheepish. Definitely not as strongly as he had spoken earlier. It was enough to get Charles to actually look at him again, prompting him to speak again. "Are you nearly done?"

"I'm getting the last of my things in order," Charles shrugged, somewhat agitated. Honestly, he knew he ought to not fight with Erik, knew that the other felt strongly in his convictions, but there was so much more to life than mutant vs human. Why Erik could not see that was a cause of great frustration for the telepath.

Pulling out a small box from behind his back, Erik held it out as a peace offering for the time being. What he planned to do when he actually got to Shaw could be put behind them for the time being. "Round of chess?"

Resigned, Charles let his shoulders slump as he nodded. "Just one.." He zipped and picked the duffel bag from his bed, moving it to the floor to clear a space, taking a seat before waving his hand to indicate Erik should join him. Once the blonde sat, Charles watched him set the pieces in position. 

"Your move first," Erik suggested, looking up from the board to meet the other's eyes. And that is how they began to play. The room was quiet, save for the soft hum of the mansion below them. There was no conversation, just concentration and thinking on both sides. It wasn't until they were deep into the game that Erik cleared his throat and looked up at Charles, who was making another move. "You know.. we haven't played chess since that first week.."

The memory was still fresh in his mind, something that wasn't far off from the current, but far enough that it felt as though it had been an age. In reality, it had been under a month since their first game at the mansion. Since that night when.. Charles pinked at the thought, then the flush got deeper as his mind wandered to the second time, in front of the satellite. "We should make this more routine, then.."

Noting the blush across Charles's cheek, Erik realized that his segue had gone exactly where he wanted it to go. "That we ought," he smiled, his grin less sharkish than usual, but still close. He leaned forward slightly, looking down at the board to determine his next move, his mind wandering to his next move off the board as well.

There was no denying the tension between them, and thankfully it was no longer just about ideology and Sebastian Shaw. The air was thick and Erik moved his piece into check of Charles' king. "I believe that is a check, Charles."

"You may be right.." Charles steeled his face, analyzing the board as he leaned forward more, trying to see where he could navigate his piece to save him the game. After a long moment, he moved his King and got himself temporarily safe. But the glum look on his face said it all, really. He knew there wasn't much chance to win this round.

Erik was keenly aware of how close they were once more, both leaning over the board slightly, trying to plot their next moves, but it was Erik who was plotting moves off the chess board. He swallowed, the sound of which caused Charles to finally look up, and the blonde leaned in just a bit more. "I think you're going to lose this round."

"I may lose the round, darling, but I'm not positively sure I'm truly losing.."

Pushing his piece in place, smiling slightly, Erik continued. "Checkmate, my friend," he brought the inside of his lower lip into his mouth to chew it for a moment, staring at Charles.

Without even thinking, Charles shifted forward slightly, bringing them almost to a kiss when there was a knock at his door. The sound made him pump and the game pieces went flying. Inopportune timing, really, as Moria called through the door. "The jet is ready to go, all we have to do is fly Professor. We leave in the morning."

"T-thank you, Moria, please check to be sure everyone else is ready and packed.."

But by the time she was gone, Charles had lost his nerve and Erik was getting up from the bed. "I should get going.. Long flight.."

"Yeah.." Charles watched the other retreat his room, falling back onto his bed with a quiet groan of frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An fyi: I have no idea how to play chess. Any chess inaccuracies are totally my own. I tried looking it up and it did not work out well.


	4. The fourth time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, yes, Russia. Things don't go quite as planned.

Shaw is not there. He's not there, even though they all thought he would be. Even though all signs pointed to Russia, all they got was Emma Frost. Well, Emma and a very confused Russian General who was not getting the sex he believed he was getting. Absolutely disgusting, really. But nevertheless, Charles could feel his own headache starting at the back of his head and he knew that everyone around them was also tense. They were heading out shortly and Erik's little stunt, breaking into the residence and their interrogation with the other telepath had really worn him out. 

Resting in the back of the van, alone for the first time in hours, Charles let his eyes close. The sound of people chatting outside about the plan and what was next was a collection of information that could wait. It had been a long day. Breath evening out, Charles yearned for a nap, drifting off for the moment. It wasn't until a short while later when he heard the flap being pulled back that he opened his eyes. 

Erik was climbing into the back of the caravan, holding out food. "Brought you something to eat, figured it would help with the cold," he suggested with a small smile. 

Over the past few weeks, Charles and Erik had gotten pretty close. Despite the disagreements and the fighting, the occasional harsh words passed back in forth in exchange about mental competency and mutant agenda, they had formed a relative bond. After all, they were essentially put in charge of the whole matter, so they had been bound to chat a lot. But the tension between them wasn't purely political, even if it often looked as such.

"Thank you," Charles pushed himself up to sit better, watching as Erik sat across from him. He took the food in the other's hand for himself and sighed softly. Beans and bread. It was a far cry from the meals he was used to, but he hadn't been expecting much to begin with. Complaining at all wasn't worth it and he knew for a fact that he should be grateful for warmed food at all in their current situation.

"At least the next place we are going is Cuba," Erik began to eat his own food, ripping the bread and dipping it into the beans.

Charles's brow furrowed slightly in confusion. "Why would I be glad to hear that?" He couldn't think of any reason why he would want to go to Cuba, after all, with all that he knew they would be in the middle of preventing. Nuclear war was at their fingertips, mutants and humans and the countries of the world would be put in grave danger, after all.

"It's really warm there right now," he grinned, as if that was the only thing they need worry about and Charles knew he should be glad for the optimism and light heartedness of it, but it was absurd. Erik just seemed to genuine, though.

"Thank heavens for that. Goodness knows, they could have chosen a colder location to put nuclear warheads, but instead they decided tropical made much more sense," Charles took a bite of his food, shaking his head. "I don't think my skin can handle much more of these temperatures."

The way that Erik paused in thought instead of answering right away made Charles look up from his food, confused as to what he had said that caused such a reaction. The sound of Erik swallowing, the small bob of his adam's apple in his throat was purely distracting. Charles felt his eyes dart to the other's lips when Erik ran his tongue along them, still clearly in thought before he finally spoke, the words making the telepath jump slightly, barely even noticeable, because he had been expecting continued silence.

"My lips are dry, too, and it's cold, but I can think of a few ways to warm up," the blonde hinted, a brow raising. Usually their flirting was subtle, very minimal, and always interrupted, so they rarely even put much effort in, but here he was. Erik knew what he was saying and he was being relatively explicit about it.

Biting his own lip, Charles inhaled deeply through his nose, leaning forward his slightly in his seat. There wasn't a lot of room across the way of the caravan, goodness knows it would be easy enough to cross it in no time, to press his lips against Erik's like he's wanted to for weeks now. When the other leaned in as well, Charles was ready to close the last few feet, ready to climb into that inviting lap, to forget about his food for the time being...

But luck was not for them and it certainly would not be that easy. The sound of the caravan roaring back to life unexpectedly had taken them both off guard, heads turning to the back flap, as if expecting an ambush. In little time, the group that had been with them was jumping in quickly, speaking of the Russians who were seen not far off and were coming, than they needed to get on the move.

Needless to say, no kiss was shared and both Charles and Erik were very frustrated with the turn of events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going downhill rapidly, I am so sorry. Just wait, they are gonna kiss so hard. Please, feel free to comment with suggestions because I have a plan of where I want to go for the last one, but the next chapter... up in the air.
> 
> Also, thank you so much for the patience with my uploading schedule. I'm super swamped with being sick and having TONS of homework.


	5. The fifth time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Cuba...

Arriving in Cuba tomorrow required a lot of careful planning, a lot of stress, and a lot of exhaustion. Erik had found himself sitting against a wall, moving a coin between his fingers. His skills were honed significantly, but tomorrow would put them all to the test, himself especially. Shaw was out there now, but by this time the next day, Erik was preparing for Shaw's demise. He glanced up when he heard footsteps close by, assuming it would be one of the teenagers, maybe Raven.

It was to his pleasant surprise that a certain brunette approached him, sweater vest and button down slightly rumpled as if he had tried to sleep but couldn't. Charles ran a hand through his short hair and stopped just before reaching Erik, who was sitting in the middle of the hall as opposed to his own designated room. "You alright? Can't sleep either?" His tone was light, though he was clearly tired and perhaps even a bit anxious for the day to come.

"I've been waiting years to come face to face with Shaw like I will tomorrow, not just rushing into things, but to actually stop him," Erik looked back down at the coin floating just slightly above his palm. "It's really happening. This time tomorrow, Shaw will no longer be a threat."

Naturally, Charles was unconvinced by Erik's word choice, knowing that his sense of vengeance was much stronger than his sense for the general good. Never the less, the telepath came the rest of the way over and slunk down against the wall next to Erik, sighing softly. "Just remember, we are doing more than just stopping Shaw, we're preventing nuclear world war."

It was as if Erik didn't even care about that, but Charles let it slide when the blonde turned his head, eyes glinting in the low light, his tongue darting across his lips to dampen them. After all, Erik was truly beautiful, and it was times like this that he was thankful to be the only telepath in the mansion. His mind was going to such horribly tempestuous places. 

Continuing with his thought, almost as a distraction from his distraction, Charles continued to think aloud. "I think we stand a good chance tomorrow," he cleared his throat, "we can really make a difference if we can just stop that Russian ship from crossing that line.." He trailed off slightly, eyes still locked onto Erik's. 

It's an understatement to say that the tension between them, the inevitable, was a long time coming. In just a month they had formed a bond that was strong, even if tense in the bad way at times. Erik was a strong willed individual, but so was Charles, so they were bound to clash with their differences. Each had grown up completely different from the other's experience. But what kept drawing them back together was much more carnal that all the past differences, all the conflicts in view and decisions. 

The conversation had stopped there, both of them just staring at the other, clearly each lost in their own thoughts. Erik was full of raw energy and it was especially contagious to Charles, though he knew he was letting it be that way. The steely blue of Erik's eyes meeting the intensity of Charles's lapis, the light from the higher window giving them just enough light from outside to really bring out distinct features. It was the middle of the night and Erik knew that they wouldn't, couldn't possibly, be interrupted so rudely this time, so he took the initiative.

When Erik leaned forward, Charles let his gaze fall to the other's lips, chewing at his own for a moment as he leaned in just slightly to bridge the gap. He had been waiting for this for over a month now, nearly two since he really decided he wanted to be kissed so desperately by this man who had become a very prominent part of his life so fast. Not even an inch away, all he had to do was close the gap between them then, noses just brushing against each other..

Charles could hear his heart racing, could feel the anxiety and excitement in Erik, the soft buzz of knowing that this was equally and mutually wanted and yearned for, but instead, he found himself panicking. Sure, he was a fan of free love, had even experimented with guys in the past, but this was Erik. He paused just a tad too long, psyching himself out, when Erik pulled away, frowning at him. _Stupid, stupid, stupid..._ He could feel the tension between them shift from raw and excited to something a little more cautious as he berated himself for pausing.

"You don't really want this, do you?" Erik's voice was flat and his face went unreadable, and as much as Charles could easily tap into his mind, he didn't want to breach that. 

"I do," Charles responded quickly, "I really do. I'm sorry. I'm being silly and over thinking things.." 

The moment was clearly over, and Erik pulled away completely, shifting to get up to his feet, the silence between the unbearably awkward. Charles went to reach for Erik's hand, but let his own drop before making contact, not wanting to make things worse. And for a moment, Erik looked to him, blank as he was, and merely shook his head. "Tell me when you're ready and I will jump to the occasion, but really, Charles, if you don't want this, don't act like you do." 

And with that, he walked off, needing to clear his head as he left Charles sitting against the wall in the middle of the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're getting that kiss next chapter. Thank you for being patient with me while I deal with personal things in real life. School and deaths in the family have been taking their tolls on me. So in lieu of angst in my own life, I added a bit of angst to the fic. 
> 
> Please, feel free to leave comments. It really helps me get a feel on whether you guys are liking this fic or not. It's the first time I've written Cherik, so I'm not sure if it's going well.


	6. At last, a kiss.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is angsty, and as you know that this fic follows the MCU X-Men First Class movie, I'm assuming that you will find this bittersweet. Scene contains verbatim conversation from the film before diverging into the fic ending.

The mission did not go quite as Charles had planned, and in no time Erik had clearly gone mad, Shaw was dead, and there were hundreds of missiles flying at them from the large ships out in the water. It was over, he was sure of it. But the moment Erik raised his hand and all those missiles just froze, Charles knew that he had to do something. He should have known, because goodness, everything lead up to this. 

Erik stood strong, hand raised as he spoke. "Today, our fighting stops! Take off your blinders, brothers and sisters. The real enemy is out there. I feel their guns moving in the water, their metal targeting us. Americans, Soviets, humans. United in their fear of the unknown. The Neanderthal is running scared, my fellow mutants! Go ahead, Charles. Tell me I'm wrong."

"Erik, you said yourself," Charles pleaded, "we're the better men. This is the time to prove it. There are thousands of men  
on those ships. Good, honest, innocent men! They're just following orders!"

But it was no use, Erik was absolutely delusional with the idea that is was man against mutant, continuing with "I've been at the mercy of men just following orders. Never again."

The missiles turned and began flying back at the ships that had launched them. Charles was convinced there would never be an end, but when Moria came forward, telling Erik to stop, though he tried to cease what could happen, everything past in a blur and suddenly, the sound of a gun shot rang through his ears, the cool damp sand of the beach was the least thing he expected as he went numb with the sudden increase of pain. 

Everything went so fast Charles could barely keep up. On the ground, the blonde had rushed to his side. He watched as Erik began to strangle Moria, pleading him one more with the insistence that she was not at fault, but "You, Erik, you did this.."

"I'm sorry, so sorry.. I tried to warn you, Charles.. I want you by my side. We're brothers, you and I. All of us together, protecting each other. We want the same thing.." Erik seemed so desperate for the reassurance, needing Charles to validate that he was right, but there was no way. 

"My friend," Charles winced slightly, the pain wasn't as present as he had expected, but never the less, he continued, "We do not.."

Erik's face fell, the rejection of Charles by his side too much. He reached to touch the other's face, clammy and damp with sweat. He had done this, had been forced to do this, and for what? There was no time to change what he had done, but he knew that he had to do something, had to express his sorrow before leaving. Because honestly, there was no other option but to leave now. 

Bending forward, Erik pressed his lips to Charles's forehead once, tentative, before pressing their lips together. Charles could feel the tension between them dissipate, all those months of build up and he knew he could never have expected things to end like this. 

Charles craned his neck up slightly, the kiss a little more forceful before they finally broke apart, destined to go their separate ways. It was over, now, and there was no way they could ever be the same, awkwardly flirting, getting interrupted, all the things that lead up to a kiss that was more bitter than sweet.

Erik brushed his thumb against Charles's cheek bone one last time before making his leave, taking Raven from him in the process. This was the end, Charles knew it, but he let it all pass by him regardless. It wasn't until Moria told him to stay put that he realized that was the only option. 

"I can't feel my legs..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the death of my grandfather, a ton of schoolwork, and now the flu (I'm writing this chapter with a severe fever), I really hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to kudo and comment!


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